i hate to admit that i am competitive.
yes i chose to tone down in uni but still it doesn’t feel good to see other friends doing well.
and yes i know that choosing to abandon the fight has already sealed my fate.
so i am just going to graduate like a normal fresh grad with lousy honours from a not-so-good uni.
and nothing worth mentioning.
i just wasted 3 years of my life (not fighting to become a scholar, not fighting to become poster girl, not fighting to be miss popular).
what a scary revelation while studying for my exams!
but i do have smaller achievements that i can whisper to no one and be proud of silently:
whilst these “achievements” are not as “big” as what my multi-talented scholar friends have achieved, these are MY achievements.
what they have achieved is what they have worked hard for.
i wasn’t even planning to achieve all these when i first entered uni.
these achievements really turned out to be a surprise.
i should be contented with all i have.
my goal in life is not to win others but to be happy :)
constant reminder to self ^^
today is the 10th of feb, 5 days to vday and 6 days to the day when i meet le boyfriend. i can’t believe that we just had a fight over my vday present. good thing is le boyfriend dont stalk me on my blog so i can rant here lol. i got him a dual charger and a ralph lauren long sleeve shirt. dual charger is something that he wants and the shirt is something that i think he needs (who doesn’t need clothes right?) and le boyfriend lectured me for being such a spendthrift. yes maybe getting him a branded shirt is over-the-top, but i am still within my monthly budget! it is not like i can’t afford it. plus it is cny month. i used parts of my ang pow money to buy a discounted shirt (not even a new arrival). he has done so much for me like footing the bills for our dates (movies and meals) but i can’t splurge on him? what kind of logic is this? i like spending on people who matter to me. besides i don’t spend on myself but i spend on important people on special occasions. i merely did what i think is right and logical. on the brighter side, i love le boyfriend for being so thrifty (danger of going bankrupt if both are spendthrifts!). i don’t care what le boyfriend is giving me for vday present. as long as we are still together, that is the best present that i can ever receive.
went to le boyfriend’s primary school gathering.
was worried that i can’t handle strangers (i am sadly an introvert).
but everyone seemed to approve of me, according to le boyfriend (not that introverted afterall haha).
i’m glad everything turned out fine.
i am at lost. a female friend came out to me. she is a homosexual. but she can’t decide if she is a transgender or a lesbian or both. i tried to entertain her with a few words to make her feel better. but i know whatever i told her were lies. i am not her, how would i know how she feels? emotions are sometimes hard to be expressed with words. and this is even more difficult when you try to label your overflowing feelings with merely one word. this is really the first time i am feeling so lost for words. so lost for being unable to help a friend. i wish i can do more but i am straight >.